★ Thought for the Day – Audience of ONE ★

Today’s Thought has been in the hopper for quite some time.  I have mulled over and over for at least six months now.  The title is an expression that my wife has periodically brought up in conversation with me for why we should do the things that we do.  It’s all for the Kingdom of God.  That’s a tough one isn’t it??  To live your life doing things for an “audience of one.”  For those who are believers in Christ, you know the “Christianese” answer right?  “Of course my reasons are only for the glory of God,” but if you’re being honest, I’m sure that from time to time, you too have looked for that “atta-boy” or “atta-girl” after you have gone out you way to help someone or do something.  This is something that I have struggled with for most of my life both before becoming a Christian and after.  Yeah I would believe that my motivations were pure but in reality I would look for the approval of others or recognition for the “good deed” that I had done.  I think this photo captures my point…

CHICAGO, IL – JUNE 15: Dan Reynolds of Imagine Dragons performs in concert at Allstate Arena on June 15, 2015 in Chicago, Illinois. (Photo by Gabriel Grams/Getty Images)

We all want to have our efforts appreciated.  When you look at this performer he sure is enjoying the accolades from the audience, but the real question is…could you still put forth tremendous effort to a theater like this?

That is the true test!  Can we still labor for God and work our hearts out with no acknowledgement at all?  Can you spend yourself even if no one ever knows what you did?  That is what I want to unpack today!

Click here if you would prefer to listen to the Podcast of this blog post. 

The Apostle Paul addressed this perfectly in this Galatians 1:10 (ESV)

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God?  Or am I trying to please man?  If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

That last part is particularly convicting to me.  If we call ourselves a follower of Jesus Christ and live our lives trying to please others, you have to evaluate who is “LORD of your life”.  YOU or GOD?! 

At first I did not even realize this character flaw but God used my wife to challenge me why do I do what I do?  “Am I trying to win the Approval of human beings or of God?”  It wasn’t until I attended a men’s conference back in November 2014 that God opened my eyes that I needed to address this issue in my heart.  During the conference one of the speaker’s invited the men to respond to what God was speaking into their hearts.  I was one of these men on my knees repenting of how I sought after the praise of people over the glorification of God.  Oftentimes it is hard to see the chinks in our armor and how self-absorbed we can be.  I think Paul David Tripp nailed it when he said:

“Be aware that the kingdom of self is a costume kingdom.  It does a perversely brilliant job of masquerading as the kingdom of God.”  

Wow!  Could it be that we are completely hoodwinked or deceived to believe that we are serving God while all the time really serving ourselves??

It’s not until recently that I realized why I had sought the approval of others  so vehemently.  God has been working mightily in my heart for the past couple weeks.  In the last post called ★ Thought for the Day – What’s Your Story? – ¡Parte Dos! ★, I talked about my experience with the men of Zaragoza while on a missions trip to Mexico.  As part of my testimony, I shared about how my father wanted nothing to do with me once my mom and I moved from Pennsylvania to New York. As I prepared for the Bible Study, God revealed to me that I not only had a father wound, but one from my grandfather as well.  The move to the TriState area (NY) was not for a change of scenery but out of necessity because we were out of money; and so we moved into the house that my mom grew up in.  We lived in the upstairs apartment from my grandfather but even though there was only a floor separating us, we might as well have lived on another planet.  The journey to, and “life in the city” was overwhelming for this country boy. Though it was only a 2 hour and 15 minute drive, life was completely different. Instead of dirt roads, there were miles and miles of freeways.  I went from riding my bike everywhere to taking a city bus or subway.  And from being rejected by my father to my grandfather.

As a boy of 12 years old, I was excited to get to know my grandfather but unfortunately I found out pretty quick that he wanted nothing to do with me.  So as I experienced a second arrow to my heart, a deep ceded need for a man’s approval was birthed.  In his 2001 groundbreaking book “Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul,” John Eldredge spoke about how every man has received a wound or wounds in their life from their father regardless of how good they might have been.  He made this profound statement about how this injury is dealt with:

“Men either overcompensate for their wound and become driven, or they shrink back and go passive.  Often it’s an odd mixture of both.”

I have realized that my drive and aggressiveness in life has been motivated unconsciously to prove that I am worthy of love and have “what it takes.”  At the time I did not realize that the rejection of my father and grandfather had cultivated a deep need for the approval of those in my life, especially men because of the absence of any masculine influence.  And a result, my motives behind why I would help others was more for commendation than genuine love of others.

Back in 2014 I dealt with the symptom of the issue but not the root.  I did not fully know why I was so desperate for attention but now I am much more in tune with the cause; and have truly come to terms that I must be motivated by, and content with, the audience of the One!!  I need to keep this on the sticky side of my brain!

I am going go old school and go to the King James Version of 1 Corinthians 10:31:

“Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.”

As part of the Temptation Series, we have unpacked about avoiding the consequences of alcohol and gluttony which you may be thinking why am I using this verse now, well I’m glad you asked.  Chapter 10 deals with idolatry, about the danger of worshiping things that do not please God (alcohol, gluttony and partying – See 1 Corinthians 10:6-11).  We need to be aware that giving ourselves over to anything other than God is a slippery slope.  The last part of verse 31 is what I want to focus on.

This is something that can radically change a person’s life if they will put in the work.  It is really easy to focus on yourself, as Tripp said the kingdom of self does “a perversely brilliant job of masquerading as the kingdom of God.”  So it’s not just enough to be helping others and serving God, we need to always be checking our motives!

In this self-promoting, indulgent world it is very easy to get derailed by all the “highlights” of people’s lives tweeted and shared online; and seek the approval from the world instead of our Heavenly Father.  If we are not careful we can become imprisoned to the acceptance we receive on social media.  I read this quote somewhere and thought it was perfect…

“A person with a changed heart seeks praise from God, not from people.”

If we seek to be changed, God will answer.  In Ezekiel 36:26, He spoke through the project and said,

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”

Amen?  Do you want that?  I will close with these song lyrics from Francesca Battistelli’s song called “He Knows My Name” in which she proclaims…

I don’t need my name in lights
I’m famous in my Father’s eyes
Make no mistake
He knows my name
I’m not living for applause
I’m already so adored
It’s all His stage
He knows my name oh, oh,
He knows my name oh, oh

Check it out and let the lyrics wash over your soul!

 

The question remains…

Why do you do what you do?? 

Is it for God or for man’s approval? 

Is it enough to be famous in your father’s eyes only? 

I pray you will be! 

If you want to dig deeper into understanding how loved you are, check out:

★ Thought for the Day – You Are Chosen! ★  

★ Thought for the Day – What Does God’s Love Mean? ★   

 

★ Thought for the Day – Be the MAN to Carry the Light ★

Happy Father’s Day!  Today’s post is not just for men, but for everyone who has a man in their life, whether it be their father, husband, son, uncle, nephew or friend.  The third Sunday of June has a different impact on you depending on what your relationship is  with the man you call Father, Dad or Daddy.  I shared about my Father  in the post called ★ Thought for the Day – Never Fatherless ★, about my parents divorcing when I was 5 years old and how my relationship with my father was nonexistent from the age 12 until we reconnected at the 36.  There was hole in my heart for many years that drove me to need approval from others.  The muse for this Thought came shortly after the 2016 Olympics in Rio de Janeiro had finished and I saw this interview that Michael Phelps did for ESPN called “The Evolution of Michael Phelps” that blew me away!

Okay if you did not play the video, STOP READING AND WATCH THE INTERVIEW, it’s worth it and it is the backbone for this post.  I have always been a fan of Michael Phelps even after the infamous “bong photo” hit the front page of the newspaper six months after the Beijing Olympics in 2014.  Retirement it seems, gave the Olympian way too much time on his hands.  As I watched the video, I was reminded of what Proverbs 16:27a (TLB) warns:

“Idle hands are the devil’s workshop.”

Boredom opened the door for the enemy to attack and much like we have been talking about in our Temptation Series, Michael yielded to many self-destructive behaviors.  When the photo of Phelps using marijuana was released, it was incredible how the world turned on him.  Parodies and jokes were everywhere and of course shock that he blew it.  It’s interesting that the world we live in is always looking to find someone to idolize but it seems that they love it even better when someone crash and burns!  The media news outlets love the “fall from grace” stories – “If it bleeds, it leads” unfortunately.

In addition to addressing the photo, the interview gave insight into the swimmer’s life about his complicated relationship with his father, Fred, his second DUI arrest in 2014 and the time that he spent in a Behavioral Rehab Facility in which he contemplated suicide after the second DUI arrest in 10 years!  As I watched the brokenness of Michael Phelps over the void that his father’s absence created, I could not help but compare how not having my father in my life not only influenced, but shaped my life to continually strive for the approval of others.

Though to the rest of the world saw Michael Phelps as an unstoppable machine in the water and a picture of perfection and excellence, Michael was silently dying inside and had reached the point of no return in September of 2014.  It is hard to believe that the man who “is the greatest Olympian of all time,” winning (23) medals, (19) – being gold winning at the point in 2014 would make this statement:

“I was a train wreck; I was like a time bomb, waiting to go off. I had no self-esteem, no self-worth.  There were times where I didn’t want to be here.  It was not good, I felt lost.” 

BUT that is how the enemy works!  You can have the adulation of the world, be on the top of your profession or head of the class and still end up feeling worthless and alone.  That was my story too, though I was far from an Olympian, I had success in my life and still felt empty inside as well.  If the most decorated Olympian in history could feel this way at the age of 31, how many other people are struggling with the same insecurities, the same father wounds and the same addictions that threaten to take them out?  My prayer is that God would use me to take back territory that the enemy has stolen and to be a friend like Ray Lewis was to Michael Phelps to help lead people out of the darkness.  The video revealed how Michael’s friend and former linebacker of the Baltimore Ravens, came alongside of him.  Ray gave him the book called “The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here for?” by Rick Warren which helped Phelps to come out of the darkness his was in.  I love what Rick Warren said in the book:

“We are products of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners of it.”

Boy if we could grasp this, how different would this world be?  Like me, Michael Phelps parents divorced when he was young (age 9) and he too had his own “father wound” that scarred and imprisoned the Olympian to also strive to be better than everyone else to achieve the acceptance from his father that alluded him.  BUT that does not have to be how the story ends!  You may be reading this today with a similar story of not having the greatest earthly father, but I want you to know there is a Heavenly Father who can be all that you never had and more.  God is in the business of changing lives and rewriting even the most tragic story.  We all love a comeback story and that is what can happen to you if you just trust that God is a good, good Father!  It doesn’t matter what you did, how badly you sinned, it only matters what you do next!  Will you continue in the downward spiral or will you turn things around and repent.  That is what God did for me and for Michael Phelps.  As a result of Michael embracing “a higher power” as he referred to God in the interview, and working through his broken relationship with his father, Phelps came back and won another (4) gold medals and (1) silver in Brazil just 2 years after his life hit rock bottom!

Shortly after the 2016 Rio Olympic, I posted this ★ Thought for the Day – Let Your Light Shine ★ in which I shared about a wonderful moment that I had with my mom when went to Washington DC in 1996 and she to was able to touch the Olympic Torch as the relay went through the Nation’s Capitol on the way to the Summer Games in Atlanta, Georgia.  The Historic Relay with the Torch has been a huge part of opening ceremonies and for the past 10 months I have been mulling over this Thought for the Day about what exactly does it mean to “Be the MAN to Carry the Light?” I saw this image

and the powerful symbolism that the Torch is for the Olympic games and realized that it also has a spiritual connection to what Jesus said in Matthew 5:14-16 (NLT)…

“You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.”

We are to Be The Light!  To let it shine as we carry it wherever we go, sharing it with everyone we come into contact with.  As a husband and father I realize the immense responsibility that I have as to constantly be checking where I am at in my personal walk with God in order to be an effective leader in my home.  As a man, this is a God-given role that we must take very serious.  I read this from Charles Stanley that I thought was really good…

“Sometimes we mistakenly think that Grace excuses us from the hard work of growing spiritually.  It doesn’t.  The Bible says that “because of practice” we have our “senses trained to discern good and evil” (see Hebrews 5:14).  That means we grow by allowing the Holy Spirit to direct us, by obeying God, and by making godly decisions.”

Grace is at the heart of the Christian faith.  God is always one prayer away, ready to forgive and restore us just as He did for Michael Phelps, BUT we still have to put in Olympian-like effort to stay the course and live out our lives to make impact on the world.  We all what to make a difference in this life to be remembered by those in our life, I know I do.  My heart’s desire is to be a world changer, first to my wife and daughters and then to anyone God would send my way in order to break through the darkness and the hold that the enemy had on this world!  John 1:5 (ESV) says::

 “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

My constant prayer is that God would help me to overcome the attacks of the enemy in both my life and in the lives of others!  That I would be of value for the building of His kingdom here on earth!  John 8:12 (NLT) says:

“Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, ‘I am the light of the world.  If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.’”

Jesus gave us the model to emulate.  I want to be more like Jesus in every way!  Something that I often pray is for Him to direct me, to mold me and use me for HIS glory!  To be the man to carry the light for the building of His kingdom!  I will close with this thought from John Eldredge that he wrote in the pocket booklet called “You Have What It Takes: What Every Father Needs to Know”:

“You, Dad, are the most powerful man in the world…At least in their world…Never forget that no one is as powerful as you are in the lives of your sons and daughters.

Mother is love and tenderness and mercy.  She is a picture of the heart of God.

But identity – especially gender identity – is bestowed by the father.  A boy learns if he is a man, if he has what it takes, from his dad.  A girl learns if she is worth pursuing, if she is lovely, from her dad.  That’s just the way God set this whole thing up.  This power He has given to you.”

On this Father’s Day, I want to leave you with this challenge to impart to your son that he has what it takes, and/or if you have a daughter make sure she know that she is lovely and worthy to be pursued!  Deuteronomy 6:6-7 (ESV) instructs:

 “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”

That is what a man who is worthy to carry the light does!

 

If you want to learn more about healing Father Wounds, check out John Eldredge book called “Wild At Heart – Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul.”

Or you can watch the weekend retreat event call “Wild At Heart Boot Camp” on RightNow Media.

 

If you want to learn more about making a difference, check out:

★ Thought for the Day – What Does It Mean To Be A Man? ★

★ Thought for the Day – Share IT! ★

★ Thought for the Day – What Difference Does a Daddy Make? ★