“Humility is such an elusive virtue. Once you think you have it, you don’t,
or you wouldn’t think you did.”
Max Lucado
Go back and re-read that quote slower…(really…re-read it and think about what it says.) If you think you are humble, then you really are not! The main idea of Lesson 4 was:
“Follow the example of Christ until you love yourself less than you love your spouse. You cannot be a godly spouse if you are focusing on yourself.”
That seems to be obvious but how many couples do you know that are focused only on themselves and thus troubles follow. So many people have an issue practicing humbleness. But I love what C.S. Lewis said,
“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.”
Humility is not allowing yourself to be a doormat but it is placing the needs of others above your own. How different would this world be if spouses did this? Instead pride gets in the way. James 4:6 (NLT) says,
“And he gives grace generously. As the Scriptures say, ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’”
Good point huh? It doesn’t a rocket scientist to realize that! Here is the antidote though from Philippians 2:3-4:
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
The book of Proverbs is a great book to read for wisdom, instruction and direction for life. One of the most famous verses on Pride is from Proverbs 16:18 (ESV) which instructs that
“Pride goes before destruction and a haughty [arrogantly superior and disdainful] spirit before a fall.”
Here is the verse in visual form:Marty Collier made reference to this by making this great point:
“Pride leads to sin and sin equals death. Notice that “I” is at the center of pride and sin.”
You see, when you are focused on “I” and not “WE,” that is the root of all of our marital problems. This fourth lesson made this statement:
“Humility could be defined as having an accurate understanding of who you are, which leads to treating others as more important than yourself.”
I love this quote…
“Humility is so shy. If you begin talking about it, it leaves.” Timothy Keller
As we just celebrated Christmas, and are about to enter into a new year, it’s appropriate to acknowledge the greatest example of humility…Jesus Christ who was the epitome of humbleness as He selflessly layed down His crown and become a man to die for our sins. The book made this observation:
“Jesus’ life was the ultimate expression of humility and serves as our example. While everyone around him was striving to be great Jesus told his followers that the way to greatness was through humble service.”
Easier said than done!
“Humility is risky. There are times when your humble service will go unnoticed, will be unappreciated or will be used for someone else’s gain. Jesus is not asking us to do anything He Himself did not go through and experience.”
Great point, as we look to act in humility in our marriage it is important to realize that
“Humility doesn’t take something from you; it does something for you.”
And I love this at the end, what will result if you do…
“Embracing humility is one of the quickest ways to change your marriage.”
So let’s make this New Year’s Resolution that as we enter into 2015, we will follow the example of Christ and treat our spouses with Humility!
If you would like to read the next installment to the re|engage class, click here…★ Re|Engage – Forgiveness ★
If you want to read previous re|engage lessons click here…
Last night we were watching “A Charlie Brown Christmas”, which today is still my favorite cartoon to watch! It is amazing to me that back in 1965, when this first aired, how much materialism that Charlie Brown saw amongst everyone during the Christmas season. It was so pervasive that if you remember, even the Christmas trees he picked out did not meet the standard. What is shocking to me, 49 years later, the same spirit of consumerism prevails. I wonder though, what the cartoon would be like if it was re-done today??
My favorite part has always been Linus’ citation of what the real meaning of Christmas is.
So we know where Linus stands…what do you think Christmas is all about? I am sure by the title of this Thought for the Day, you probably have an inkling to what direction this will be going in, but I pray that though you may know what the answer is, that the Holy Spirit will make the truth penetrate your heart…And that this Christmas season will be more meaningful than it ever has been in the past.
Hypothetically speaking…if an alien just landed on Earth and saw the yuletide craziness in Wal-Mart, or constant the barrage of an advertising through TV, emails and old fashion mailings, what do you think they would believe that Christmas is all about? I think definitely about shopping, a fat man in a red suit, and about putting trees in your house and decorating them.
It is not too hard to get lost in the “stuff that needs to get done,” and fulfilling “wish lists,” but if we are not careful, we can easily get one-off track. Christmas should not be about getting stuff. There needs to be an intensive effort on our part to combat against the “get me this bug,” and try to reverse the impact of the heavy marketing that is confusing the meaning of Christmas. Don’t get me wrong, I want my children to enjoy all the fun things of the season, but at the same time I don’t want the true meaning of Christmas to be lost on my daughters. Take a look at this cartoon, I think it makes Charlie Brown’s point well!
“I hate to ask you nice folks to move, but the inn’s marketing department figures that it will only be a matter of time before this tree gets better recognition than your son”
So how about it? What do you think, is it Christmas or X-mas? Does it matter? Do you see a difference between the two? For many years I didn’t. In fact I still have storage totes with “X-mas” written on them. Have you ever wondered where X-mas came from? I mean how did that evolve to be an abbreviation for Christmas?
Well the word “Christmas“ means the “Mass of Christ.” It was later shortened to “Christ-Mass.” Then further shortened during the 1500’s in Europe to “X-mas” which is derived from the Greek alphabet, in which X is the first letter of Christ’s name: “Xristos,” therefore “X-Mass”. That is how X-mas is a derivative for Christmas. But in today’s culture and how the term is used, I believe there is a big difference between the two words. X-mas is no longer a short version of Christmas but a replacement. You don’t have to look far, to see how modern-day consumerism and marketers have completely “X”-ed Christ out of Christmas.
Christmas is now a franchise, a holiday that is marketed in a million different ways, none of which have to do with Jesus. Just take notice of all the printed advertising and commercials that are on TV this time of year. There is very little mention of Jesus if any. We have removed the part of the holiday that is the true “reason for the season”. And all that we are left with is whatever products store owner’s can convince us that we need to have.
Christmas is not about getting stuff but about Jesus. It is the Birthday of Jesus, the day that God was manifested into flesh and blood. It is about a King. Not a King that rode into battle to conquer his enemies but a King who laid down His crown, humbling Himself to become a man. In doing so, He surrendered His majesty and position and sacrificed Himself for us. So the answer to the question “what is Christmas all about”, well it is about SACRIFICE and HUMILITY! You don’t really consider that when you think about Christmas, but when you look at what had to happen in order for Jesus to open the gates of heaven for us, it is crystal clear that the baby in the manger was born to be the sacrificial lamb to die as the payment for our sins once and for all. W.J. Cameron once said that,
“There has been only one Christmas – the rest are anniversaries.”
I love that! Jesus became human and then gave up His life for us so that we could gain eternal life. He had to lose His life so we could keep ours! Through His Sacrifice, out past, present and future sins are forgiven! And we are Redeemed! Redemption, what an awesome word. It is defined as
“The act of delivering from sin or saving from evil” or “Purchasing back something previously sold.”
We have been delivered through His death on the cross. The greatest gift will not be delivered by the man in the red suit, the best gift is Jesus! Jesus paid the ransom, paid the price for our sins to save us from the evil one so that the lost could be found, the sick…healed, the broken…repaired and the captives set free. Because Jesus came into the enemy’s territory (by coming to Earth), we are redeemed and reconnected to our Father in Heaven. We are the children of God as it says in Galatians 4:6-7:
“Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.” So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir.
Christmas is about the sacrifice of Jesus and the redemption that resulted from His selfless act. And through it all we have become heirs to the riches of heaven.
You know, there is nothing wrong with all the holiday preparations, but we need to keep in focus what we are celebrating on December 25! Our Biblical or Christian Worldview needs a little fine-tuning. Like everyone else, I have a long list of things-to-do associated with the Yuletide season, from decorating to getting a Christmas tree to shopping for gifts. There are many things to plan for and to pull you in different directions and to distract you…BUT I love how Henri Nouwen defined Christmas…he said that
“Songs, good feelings, beautiful liturgies, nice presents, big dinners, and sweet words do not make Christmas. Christmas is saying yes to something beyond all emotions and feelings. Christmas is saying yes to a hope based on God’s initiative, which has nothing to do with what I think or feel. Christmas is believing that the salvation of the world is God’s work and not mine.”
Christmas is my favorite holiday. Not only for the significance of Jesus’ birth but also for the other stuff as well. I love all the holiday preparations and the warm fuzzy feeling you get during this time of year. But as we just read, Christmas is much more than that. We need to check ourselves and where our biblical worldview is, not only in regards to this one day but also for the other 364 days a year. So the proper biblical worldview of Christmas is all about Sacrifice and Humility! Philippians 2:5-7 says that:
“Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.”
Christmas is a time to remember the birth of Jesus and the coming of God’s salvation for His people. Jesus was born and walked on this Earth to show us the way to heaven through His example.
“He became what we are that He might make us what He is.” Saint Athanasius
Verse 8 of chapter 2 of Philippians finishes this though with:
“And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death – even death on a cross!”
So I want to challenge you to really understand the Reason for the Season, and not allow consumerism to “X” Christ out of Christmas. Follow Jesus’ example, and be a servant to your “fellow man.” Look for ways to impact the people around you…family members, co-workers, friends or even strangers. Serve food to the homeless or buy a present for a child who will have nothing under the tree this year or be a shoulder to cry on for a depressed friend.
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9
Don’t let season passed by without letting it penetrate your heart! Be Jesus for the people who are around you. Be the miracle in their life.
If you are interested you can read Part 2 that part of out “Reason for the Season” series.
The next two chapters focused on this Principle: EMBRACE HUMILTY.
Lesson 3 was on Grace…The main idea was:
You are in need of God’s grace.
Ephesians 2:4-5 (ESV)
“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved”
The definition of Grace as it pertains in Christian belief is:
“The free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.”
Ephesians 2:8-9 (NLT)
“God saved you by His grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.”
The lesson made this powerful parallel between this verse and how our interactions with our spouse should be.
“Just as your relationship with God is grounded in grace, so must your relationship with your spouse be grounded in grace. It’s the foundational pillar to any healthy relationship.”
Have you ever thought about extending grace to your spouse as being critical to a healthy marriage? It spouses could grasp this concept the “self-help” industry would plummet!
“The bottom line is that we are not good enough and neither is our spouse…That’s why grace is essential to your relationship.”
What my wife and I really love about this class is how practical the counsel is and it’s application. I love this on What grace in action looks like in action in marriage:
Grace does not focus on the faults of your spouse.
Grace is choosing to believe the best about their words and actions.
Grace is not shocked or angry when your spouse’s actions are not perfect.
Grace is not bringing up the ways your spouse has disappointed or hurt you in the past.
Grace responds kindly to a harsh word or a cold shoulder.
Grace causes you to be an advocate for your spouse rather than build a case against them.
Grace is loving your spouse, not because of their actions, but in spite of their actions.
And here is the flip side of What Grace is Not?
“But extending grace doesn’t mean that you grant your spouse permission to continue to hurt you. And it doesn’t mean that the feelings of pain they have caused you are now invalid. However, to re-engage with your spouse, you must follow Christ’s example as an initiator. He initiates again and again because His love for you is perfect, and His love for you perseveres – even when you’re most unlovable.”
A friend of mine told me this and I will close with this…
“God is not looking for a perfect Christian but a persistent one.” Gene Winterhalter
None of us are perfect but God desires us to chase after Him and be persistent in extending grace to the one that He blessed us with.
If you would like to read the next installment to the re|engage class, click here…★ Re|Engage – Humility ★
If you want to read previous re|engage lessons click here…
The second lesson was on Brokenness which furthered the teaching about the need to RECOGNIZE YOUR INABILITY TO LOVE.
The main idea of Lesson 2 was:
“Your marriage is broken because it is made up of two broken people. You fall short of God’s standard.”
We enter marriage with the idea that everything will be perfect but when you really think about it, that is a crazy belief. It is impossible for 2 imperfect people to come together and the result be a perfect marriage.
But even though your marriage will never be perfect, it can be great! And it is all about involving God! One of the recurring themes in the class is based on this idea:
For me this is probably one of the best pieces of advice I have ever heard which can apply for not only your marriage but with any aspect of your life. It reminds me of what Jesus taught in Matthew 7:3-5 (NLT)
“And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.
Paul David Tripp once said, “I am my biggest marital problem”
Do you see that as being true? Or are you operating in the mindset that “if I could just fix my spouse, then everything would be great.” If you are, then I promise that your marriage will never get better. The book nailed it when they said
“The problem isn’t primarily your circumstances or your spouse; it is the selfishness and sinfulness within your own heart. You are broken and have a part in why your marriage isn’t where it should be. Yes, you are a part of your marriage problem.”
Wouldn’t that make a great bumper sticker or Twitter post huh? Not so much right? But here is the great thing…Once you realize your part in the conflict, then there is hope. There is something you can do. Draw the circle and WORK ON YOURSELF! Let God take care of your spouse.
“You are powerless to love your spouse the way you promised you would, the way they dreamed you would and the way God designed that you should.”
Make this personal…as you read this, insert your name:
You are powerless to love your spouse the way you promised you would,
You are powerless to love your spouse the way they dreamed you would and
You are powerless to love your spouse the way God designed that you should.
This is the reality that we all face. The question is, do we accept it or do something about it? Here is the final thought from the book…
“Until you acknowledge the brokenness in your own heart and turn to the One who is ready and willing to help you, your relationship will remain broken.”
The key is Building our relationships on a Solid Foundation which is Jesus. Matthew 7:24-26 says,
“Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand.”
We may all be broken but when we center our marriage on God’s principles and invite Jesus to be in the center of our marriage, anything is possible!!
Today, my pastor shared this incredible diagram that illustrates the brokenness that we all have without Jesus
Our sin is a barrier between God and us. To bridge that barrier God sent Jesus. We have two choices on what we do with Jesus, either we repent of our sin or we continue in our rebellion. If we repent, then salvation will be granted, if not, we will face judgement.
Reflect on this…Psalm 139:23-24
“Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!”
We need to recognize our brokenness and trust in Jesus. I will close with this final advice on how to improve your marriage from the book!
If you would like to read the next installment to the re|engage class, click here…★ Re|Engage – Grace ★
If you want to read previous re|engage lessons click here…
My wife and I went to a class offered at our church call “Re|Enagage.” Watermark Church’s Marriage Ministry created this class that is offered in churches all across the country. If you live near Dallas, TX, you can attend the class, here is the website for more information on how to find where it is offered:
You many be thinking to yourself another marriage class no thank you but please continue reading because Re|Enagage made a huge impact on our marriage. And before you dismiss this by saying “our marriage is not in crisis or turmoil so I don’t need this;” our’s wasn’t either, we just wanted to go from a good marriage to a great one! And just to debunk another lie that the enemy will try to get you to believe…Don’t look at this class as “our marriage will appear that it is bad”… but look at it like “we want to continue to have a great marriage”…and so we are going to get new tools to improve it. Just like you perform regular maintenance on your car, we need to do the same for our marriages. As part of the class, there was a small group time which the purpose is to build biblical community so that people realize that every marriage has issues, regardless of how it appears, no marriage is perfect. Hebrews 10:24-25 (NLT) describes it this way:
“Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.”
The small group helped “sharpen one another” as we opened up to share (Proverbs 27:17 – Iron sharpens iron).
The primary focus of the class was to work on yourself and what you learned in the lessons instead of pointing out what your spouse is not doing.
The first two chapters focused on this Principle: RECOGNIZE YOUR INABILITY TO LOVE.
At first that does not seem so positive, does it? But it is critical to understand how flawed we are so that we look at our spouses through the correct lens, and not expect them to do what we are incapable of doing.
Lesson 1 was on Love…The main idea was:
God’s Standard of love is the way He loves. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (ESV) defines love biblically:
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
You cannot meet this standard. THIS IS PERFECT LOVE!
In the reading they made this statement…“While love may be blind, marriage is a real eye opener.”
We all entered our marriage with expectations of what it was going to be like. I am a firm believer that you get what you put into your marriage. “Garbage in, garbage out”…or you can look at it that you put in love, respect, sacrifice; you will get those in return.
The lesson was broke down What Love Really Is…
Love is patient and kind.
Not about instant gratification, Encourages instead of condemns.
Love doesn’t envy or boast.
Celebrates when another is celebrated, Admit failures instead of giving excuses.
Isn’t rude or insisting on its own way.
Not demanding/manipulative to get its way, put the needs of the other first. Studies the needs and wants so they can meet them.
Is not irritable or resentful.
Can handle shortcomings/disappointments, Gladly overlooks small offenses and graciously forgives larger ones w/o bringing them up later.
Bears and endures all things.
Takes on the others hardships as their own, Committed regardless of feelings and what they are receiving in return.
Believes and hopes all things.
Acts in trustworthy manner with no secrets which eliminates suspicion. It believes the best about the other and does everything it can to make the relationship work.
Love is thinking about the other person’s needs over your own, giving everything you have to the other person. Love in God’s perspective is sacrificial and selfless commitment.
“Jesus was the ultimate model for what love is (Romans 5:8 – Christ died for us while we were sinners.) – Real love puts the other person first!”
If you would like to read the next installment to the re|engage class, click here… ★ Re|Engage – Brokenness ★
If you want to read previous re|engage lessons click here…
Marty Collier made reference to this by making this great point:
Daily Dependence 